This Week in the Ancient Near East

The Early Alphabet (™) in Third Millennium Syria? Or, Spelling it Out, Lightly Baked Edition

Some lightly baked clay cylinders from a late third millennium tomb in Syria have alphabetic markings. They’ve got us thinking. Does this mean -the- alphabet originated hundreds of years earlier than we thought? What is -the- alphabet anyway? Why did we think we understood any of this? Who, in fact, is lightly baked in this scenario? 

Between Death and Taxes in the 8th Century BCE, or Hezekiah’s Beltway Politics

An excavation in southern Jerusalem revealed a tax office belonging to Hezekiah. This raises a question, was Jerusalem really a capitol district and not just a city? A more pressing question, however, is why Hezekiah thought rebelling against the Assyrians was a good idea in the first place.

The Mesopotamian Map of Mystery, Or, From Babylon to the Boondocks and Back Again, Hopefully

A wonderful newish video about the famous 6^th century Babylonian tablet showing a map of the world has us thinking. Sure, there are a bunch of Mesopotamian field and building plans, more of a zoning and taxes thing, but why aren’t there more maps? Maybe they knew that no matter where you go, there you are.

See the video here!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUxFzh8r384

How to Go from Spindle Whorls to Wagon Wheels in Just 6,000 Years, or Rotational Energy and the Wheel of Destiny

New studies on the origins of the wheel have us wondering, why did it take thousands of years to go from 10^th millennium BCE spindle whorls in Israel to 4^th millennium BCE wheels in the Carpathian mountains, were rollers and copper mining really involved, and how much rotational energy is really provided courtesy of Fred Flintstone’s two feet?

Reading Eclipses for Fun and Profit, or from Divine Intervention to Priestly Protection Racket in the Old Babylonian Period

Some Old Babylonian tablets warn about lunar eclipses and their dire consequences. Drought! Famine! Lions! Surprisingly, the priests had rituals to prevent those consequences. Wait, you don’t seem surprised. With a shoutout to Madame Marie, seer of the Jersey Shore!

(How) Long Reign Hezekiah, or A 100th Episode for the Ages!

For our momentous 100^th episode we’re talking about the age old question, does chronology matter? A bunch of tiny seal impressions seem to have solved the question of when our old friend Hezekiah reigned. Though definitely stolen, they might even be real, probably. Maybe. So we’ve got big problems of reality and morality going for us, which is something.

The Neolithic Shaman Girl from Çemka Höyük, or Terrapin Station in the Tenth Millennium

A Neolithic shaman burial at Çemka Höyük in southeastern Turkey? Why not! Somebody had to be a guide to the spirit world. But why are they always buried with tortoises? Aurochs, sure, weasels, um, ok. Our contestants are stumped and offer wild speculations. So business as usual.

How to Dye a Fabric in the Middle Bronze Age, Or, See, I Told You Those Gross Little Bugs Were Good For Something

A red dyed textile from a Middle Bronze Age cave in the Judean Desert has us wondering, sure, boiled squished insects are colorful, but how did they go from, eww, gross, to, hey maybe I could dye some fabric with them and make myself pop? With psychologically revealing ruminations on our contestants’ favorite colors!