This Week in the Ancient Near East

That Sunny Little Temple at Tel Azekah, or, The Temple’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

The Late Bronze Age temple at Tell Azekah in the Judean Shephelah has us wondering, why does it face the sun, why is it so small, how often was it used, and how could you possibly have a wedding there? Not that we’re looking for a place, mind you. With an obvious and well deserved shoutout to Timbuk 3!

The Love Call of the De-Extincted Mammoth, or, Ethics in Paleo-genomic Research (for Fun and Profit)

Today we’re talking about efforts to recreate woolly mammoths, apparently in order to 1) combat climate change, 2) cure cancer, and 3) re-wild the tundra. Our first reactions are, what? But our second reactions are a deep dive into the ethics of paleo-genomic research. Finally, there’s a shoutout to everyone’s favorite giant armadillo tank, Tarkus, and a rare reference to Tasha Yar. So there’s something for everyone.

The Case of the Roman Medical Instruments from Southwest Turkey, Or, The Doctor Will See What’s Left of You Now

A Roman medical office in southwestern Turkey has us talking medicine. Were the same instruments used for cataracts and hemorrhoids? What kind of insurance did gladiators have anyway? Our contestants are concerned about sanitary conditions, however. With an inevitable shoutout to Theodoric, Barber of York.

How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep in Antiquity, or Sleeping with the Television on in the Ancient Near East?

What was sleep like in antiquity and was it really that different from today? Aside from all the sheep next to you, the guy knapping flint at midnight, and having to climb a ladder and run across the rooftops in order to go to the bathroom, that is. 

Remember That Time When Alexander the Great Became Ningirsu? Or, Naming Rights in Mesopotamia

A temple dedicated to Alexander the Great at the Mesopotamian site of Girsu has us asking questions. Was this the meta-crossover event of the century or just some guys in an office making some plaques for a foreign chump passing through? Our contestants disagree but give a special shoutout to Molly Pitcher, heroine of the New Jersey Turnpike!

How to Decorate a Philistine Temple, or, Flower Power Tell es Safi Style

Plant remains from the Philistine temples at Tell es Safi (aka Gat) have us asking questions. Sure they’re lovely seasonal items but were they tastefully displayed? How about those strong parallels in Greece? And for the very first time the listener stops by with an unexpected tale of a visit to tunnels beneath Nineveh, newly liberated from ISIS!

Dog Days of Domestication, or, Humans and Canines from Prehistory to the Present

Today we’re talking about what it means when dogs wags their tails, and then working backward about 15,000 years to the question of their domestication. Sure dogs help, herd and guard us humans, but in the process did they help us learn to love? If Scooby and Shaggy are any indication, then the answer is clear. With a special shoutout to Tucker, ace goldendoodle of the Upper West Side!

Hello Assyriological Computer, Or, Artificial Intelligence and the Ancient Near East?

The growing ability of Artificial Intelligence to transliterate and translate Mesopotamian texts has us asking questions. Will AI be a force for good, putting texts into the hands of the people or will it throw folks out of work and let charlatans push out nonsense? You're asking us? Anyway, as a bonus, our contestants offer touching memories of their first encounters with Assyriologists!